My Little Girl She Will Always Be

I will always see her as my little girl. The sweet smile looking up at me with chubby cheeks and curiosity in her eyes. Just as if she was 5 years old again, I can feel the grip she has on my hand as she held to make sure I was always near. I can feel that strong grip around my neck hugging me so tight I could barely breathe. I would never in that moment tell her she was choking me because she was a sweet little girl loving on her most favorite committed person. Her mom.

Today my daughter flew back to school after a very short spring break visit home. When we said goodbye, I felt that 5 year old love and hug all over again. It came racing back. I fought back tears but they nestled in my eyes without rolling down my face where it would send everyone in departures into that “oh goodbyes are so hard and a sad moment”. Goodbye and hello are moments of connection woven into our love language.

KB at 5 years old.JPG

The look in a persons eyes we are connected to when greeting or departing speaks a million languages of it’s own. Some extreme happiness, sadness, frustration, fear and relief. Either way, I hope to continue encouraging my daughter to speak all of the things that meet her heart in those moments.

She is now 5’11, and I, 5’6, but I am still her strength. Although he towers over me, she still sees me as the person to protect her in any situation. Her momma who she’ll hug so tight not realizing her strength, but because it feels like the safest place on earth. So we hugged and held on for just a few minutes longer.

We may drive each other crazy at times but we love each other so fearlessly. We would be abnormal if we agreed on everything or never got on each others nerves. I will never believe there is a mother daughter duo on this planet that sees each other with rose colored lenses. We are imperfect and that is what strengthens us more as we grow older together.

In fact I started writing her a letter this morning in regards to some things I observed while she was home this past week. As a mom I wanted to provide a teachable moment for her and send this letter to her after she was back at school. To give her time to process. I was not happy with some of the decisions she made and although I realize they were minor, she still needed to know. Because, how do we learn if we are not told or open to listening. Minor or not. Even through some of my most frustrating moments as a mom, I will always love her and see her as my little girl with the purest heart. The one who hugs with a grip so tightly because they embody what love should look and feel like.

Parenting When Your Kid Is In College Is a Real Thing...

I am pretty sure when my 18 year old has kids, one day she will thank me for all the redundancy that has ever left my mouth. Her side eye at my text messages telling her what to do for the cough or cold that has lingered for weeks will be met with “man my mom was right”. She will experience this very same thing and I will be sitting on the couch sipping tea with a smirk as she tells me her kids do not listen. This time it will be the grandma side-eye. Those are the best of them all.

I am convinced anything I say that does not sound like “I’ll deposit money into your account” goes out one ear, past the undeveloped frontal-lobe and onto the ground like putty. Sometimes I want to text her that I am not here for her shenanigans and then I get sucked in because, I am her mom. So my heart is all sorts of mush when it comes to my child not feeling well.

However I guarantee you she will not listen or refer back to the text I sent her this morning. “Get some rest, you have a long night ahead of you. Try the steam thing I taught you to help clear up the congestion and make sure you have tissue in your pocket. You don’t want your bugger friends making an appearance when you meet the boyfriends parents tonight.” She responds “lol true”. NO, I am serious. Not funny. Kind of funny. But, really serious. The last thing I need to envision is his parents meeting my smart, funny, feisty beautiful daughter with her friend billy the bugger because she chose not to do all the mom home remedies before heading out on a Saturday night.

This is just reminder 8,765 that my job parenting is never done. She goes on to tell me she wishes I was coming to visit this weekend so I could meet the boyfriends family. Apparently she thinks it looks bad just having her dad there. I am sure that’s because dad will do dad things and say something embarrassing.

She goes on to say well, “his dad knows my mom is black and my dad is white”, as if she needed to pull her black card out for extra security tonight. I can’t stop laughing about this. Just be yourself kid. If the parents can’t deal with you being bi-racial then they will not have a seat at our table.

This really made me stop to think that another conversation between her and I has to take place. Again. This parenting thing never ends. She does not need to yell from the mountain tops from the most non-diverse town in Washington State that she has a black mom to prove she is relevant to the black boyfriends family. I’m going to place this one in the fked up society box we live in, where our kids feel they are better if they claim one side more than the other depending on who they are dealing with. It’s a thing. Believe, me I know.

I’ve taught her from day one to own all of who she is, but I also see it’s a natural thing to still wonder who will accept you. All sarcasm aside, it’s a hard middle to be in. More on that subject after I Amazon Prime her Lysol wipes and hand sanitizer to fend off all the dorm germs. Now the question is (insert mom side-eye) will she use them.

Xo - LH

You Reminded Me To Continue Believing - Thank you Tribe #FillYourTank

Last Saturday night the room was filled with incredible people. Each person has/had a story that was not spoken but I felt it. Just know, your story and who you are matter. You did not go unnoticed. Each person had genuine interest in the mission and story behind #FillYourTank. They showed up in support that I often forget is still around. Blissfully authentic support without an agenda to be anything other than ready to support the welcomed wild ride you are on.

“ I was so pumped to attend a book launch for my client-turned-friend last night in Seattle. This view fits the mood of the evening: “Your attitude determines your altitude” - a quote right out of her book.” - Caption and photo by Jinger Hendricks

“ I was so pumped to attend a book launch for my client-turned-friend last night in Seattle. This view fits the mood of the evening: “Your attitude determines your altitude” - a quote right out of her book.” - Caption and photo by Jinger Hendricks

Yesterday and today I am trying to replay the evening back. You know how that goes? We try to remember all the things or wish we had said this or that. Give more hugs or speak to another person a little longer. I’ve battled with this for as long as I can remember. The feeling of guilt that I did not personally spend time with every single person or make sure I thanked them individually. So why do I tell others who feel this way it’s OK, and that people understand. They are just happy to be there supporting you. Yet I find I beat myself up over and over about this. Clearly I need to take my own advice!

A few text trickled in yesterday sharing how much they enjoyed the event and were moved by my words or the shared empowering words about me. Many shared their excitement to move in the direction of filling their tanks, share with their kids, friends and family.

Some post were shared via social media reflecting back on an inspiring night and the breathtaking view of the Seattle skyline that surrounded this incredible #FillYourTank tribe.

What I do know is, not everything I wanted to say left my mouth. I am in awe at the beautiful souls who showed up March 2, 2019 for the launch of my first book. When I reflect back to that night, my heart skips a beat as if I just had my first kiss. I am covered in goosebumps because I realized I was not waking up from a dream. I am living my dreams. You, my #FillYourTank tribe reminded me to believe in my little girl dreams again. Being a writer and writing just for me. Not for notoriety but to pour love back into hearts and the community. To have fun with it. To challenge people to think and rise to the occasion of being the best version of themselves possible.

So to those of you who spent your Saturday night with me and a room full of smiling hearts to fully launch this baby into the world by showing up as you are, THANK YOU!!

A bursting heart of love and gratitude for you all!

Xo - LH

Photo taken by: Marisa Baysa

Photo taken by: Marisa Baysa

My Book Baby

For the last three weeks I have carried around a draft copy of my book. It has accompanied me on car rides, sat underneath my desk in my office and in the entry way of my house. Never forgetting it is with me but silently scared to look at it again. To be critical of my work, to second guess and to wonder if this is a mistake. These were a few reasons I was avoiding this small but mighty book baby.

It feels weird. In a good way. To know my words, the idea and this brain of mine brought something to life. It’s filled with grit and courage. Like my daughter. Perhaps that’s why this book I thought would be a book written after many others is my first book. Written at a time it is needed most and for many.

We are a few weeks out from launch and I must say I am nervous as heck. Sure it’s been fun writing it and a lot of hard work, tears and blood have gone into it. Yes, literally blood. Picking at my nails while I anxiously critique every word, every design or page that has been written. I’ve picked. That stopped because my manicures cannot look as much of a hot mess as my mind is when I am being hard on myself.

What I realized last night in the midst of fully accepting my book baby as is, is that it is an accomplishment no matter what. This is my work, my goals and my dreams coming to life. And, there will be more things written because that’s where I often feel the most alive. Writing.

Until then… I' am happily carrying around my book baby without contractions. :)

Thank You 2018 for the Struggles and W's

As I reflect on 2018, I count my blessings. I am thankful for the struggles and the win’s that happened throughout this past year. I am reminded that the darkest moments are often the greatest lessons. That passion always wins in the face of fear, and that love and health should never be overlooked.

Read More

40 Things I Have Learned in 40 Years

I turn 40 this week. In this very moment I want to slow down time because as I am 13 days into this month, I do not think I have had much time to slow down. From planning a 40th birthday celebration, preparing for my daughter to have surgery next week (Not freaking out at all. OK, just a little!) and hosting Christmas at my house, insanely busy in my corporate life and putting the final touches on my second book that is now being birthed as my first book. I am indeed a hot mess. Yet I tell myself, you only turn 40 once. In this life at least. So enjoy it. Drink all the whisky and eat that last Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

What have I learned? More than 40 but you get the point…


  1. Saying no is just as important as saying yes. In all the ways we want to please people and provide comfort to those we care about. It is often those we care about who take us for granted the most. So saying no when you are at capacity is perfectly OK. That applies to any and all who you engage with.

  2. Don’t sell yourself short. Ask for what you want. Negotiate on your behalf and command what you are worth. As a woman it is often we take less because we are just happy to get in front of the right person for the job, role or seat. However your voice should not be silenced by settling. It has taken many years for me to realize that it is my commitment to myself to say and stand firm in what I am worth. No one can determine your worth but you.

  3. Dance a lot. In the kitchen. It does something magical for your spirit. The day I stop having kitchen dance parties, it’s lights out. Therefore I pray I’ll be dancing for many more years to come. As a mom I have to find humor and happy in the midst of chaos and worry. My daughter is now 18 but that does not stop me from worrying. Life just brings on another set of worry and questions at this age. So in order to get through some of the hardest moments as a parent, I dance. I listen to music that makes my soul come alive because teenagers will make you feel like your losing your mind more often than not ;).

  4. Confront your fears. The awkward moment of having to say the hard thing will pass. Just like a heartbreak, it gets better with time. The beauty is reflecting back knowing you stood in your truth. Fear is only as powerful as the energy you give it. Kick that shit to the curb. You have beautiful work to do in this world.

  5. Have great sex. Life is too short not to know what you want in the bedroom. Let’s get real, we all have needs and those needs should not go into a closet of “I wish”.

  6. Stand up for what you believe in. No one can take that from you regardless if they agree with you or not. Now let’s not confuse this with righteousness. Standing up for what you believe in allows you to know who you are, what you will tolerate and not tolerate.

  7. Forgive. That shit just eats at you and only you. Don’t walk around holding grudges because someone has done you wrong. Forgive them, pray for them or do whatever it is that brings you closure and keep moving. Holding on to baggage is only weighing you down. You can never fully be present in things you do when your soul is harboring so much anger. Now, don’t confuse this with forgiving and being best friends with a person. You can forgive and reserve the right to not have someone in your life. Doesn’t mean you hate or have ill feelings. You just are in a different place in your life and have set parameters for what you expect.

  8. There is never an end for opportunities to learn. I have learned so much about change. As life changes, you evolve. Be a sponge. Absorb as much as you can because you are never too old to learn. It builds character.

  9. You can set boundaries without being an asshole. Being mean is not sexy. Set important and healthy boundaries for yourself. Never let someone dictate what your boundaries consist of. Boy I have had to learn a very hard and painful lesson in boundary setting.

  10. Inspect what you expect. I have learned you need to have a clear understanding of what it is you need before you expect someone to read your mind. COMMUNICATE! That shit does wonders. It may not always turn out to be the outcome you hoped for, but when you communicate clearly it does wonders for your own personal growth.

  11. Stop inviting people who don’t show up. I have learned that, be it the party you throw or just needing a friend to be there. Stop inviting people into your life, your personal space and land of vulnerability who continue to disappoint. I could go on but I will just leave this right here…

  12. You can do hard things. I have found that I can do very hard things. Just when you think you can’t have the tough conversation or feel you’ve hit a road block at every turn. You find more and more of what you can withstand when you face the hard things head on.

  13. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I have learned not to back peddle. Just be upfront.

  14. Let go and let God. I have learned that my faith is surely bigger than any obstacle. God does not give us anymore than we can handle. I know it seems cliche but it’s so true. I am a walking testament. That would require another blog post. Pray and release it. You cannot control everything. There is a bigger plan for all of us and we do not have all the answers. The stress and the worry will pass.

  15. Embrace the skin you are in. This has been a struggle over the years. Today, I embrace the hell out the skin I am in. My flaws and all. I am perfectly imperfect and owning every moment of it. I have learned to love myself first before allowing someone else to determine the level in which I should love myself by their attention or treatment towards me. We have to love the hell out of ourselves. Sure it takes time and a lot of work, but it is possible.

  16. It’s OK to fail. I have tried and failed. In life, love and business. Had I not failed at those things, I would not have grown. I would not be open and I would not be able to laugh at myself. I am thankful for the failures. They have in turn given me bigger success than I could have imagined.

  17. Love. Love big and love hard. I have learned it is OK to love deep and big. As a matter of fact, it’s beautiful when you are aware of the depth of your ability to love.

  18. It’s OK to have a bad day. If I were perfect it would be so annoying. I think I would get on my own nerves. Well I do even with my flaws. What I have learned is it ok to cry, to have a bad day, to say “I just cannot do today” and try again the next. Especially us moms. We want to be perfect and never have a bad day. Those June Cleaver days are for the birds. You are entitled to throw the fucking pans at the wall, drink the entire bottle of good wine, spend an hour in the bathtub crying if you so choose. Just remember it is ok to have a bad day. Be a boss the next day.

  19. You don’t need a lot of friends. Thanks, Mom for that lesson at an early age. As I get older and older, I realize more and more the importance of a few good friends is better than a million fake friends. Friendship is earned, it is honest, it is consistent and it real. If you don’t have that, they are probably filed in the dictionary under acquaintances.

  20. Parenting is hard. I have learned that parenting will not stop at 18. It is a lifetime of being there side by side and their number one ride or die. It is pushing them to their limits even if pisses them off. I struggle with sounding like a broken record daily. All in the name of love and motherhood.

  21. FOE. Family over everything. Chosen family or blood family. They are not perfect and they are sometimes bat shit crazy, but they will love you through your greatest or darkest times.

  22. Change is good. Just like the seasons change, we need change. Believe me it’s good and very necessary.

  23. Shake hands with the haters. Well maybe not literally. Let them sit and flounder while you do you. You can’t make every one happy and the comments will not always be pleasant. As long as you know your truth, smile and wave.

  24. Say no to your kids. I am so guilty of wanting to give my daughter everything. You know we want to do more for our kids than we had. Knock it off. That is killing them slowly from being able to operate in life with anything other than a smart phone. I have learned she’ll get over the shock of being told no. Or the disappointment that she cannot have a 10th pair of Air Force 1’s.

  25. Give back. We never know where we will be. Giving back to the community should be done in the spirit of genuineness.

  26. Travel. Travel and do it well. Embrace every aspect of your travel. Savor even the plane or car rides. They to have lasting memories.

  27. Apologize. Own your shit.

  28. Eat healthy. Your body will thank you for it. Treat your body like a goddess. I have been struggling with an autoimmune issue for the last few years and I have learned first hand what putting in my body does for me. I have suffered in silence for a long time. Now knowing what I can do to eliminate certain pain, food has played a big part in the game of take care of your body or else.

  29. Try new things. Yep, that simple. Just try.

  30. It’s OK to be silly. Actually it’s fantastic. If you can’t laugh at yourself or the people your with, you’re not living. A little funny goes a long way.

  31. Let your kids know you are not a super hero. Apparently when my daughter was little she thought I had special powers and could do anything because I wore heels. True story. And, so damn funny! She also thought I was very tall. Just sitting here at 5’6 with no heels on and her now 5’10 I have been found out. Really what I am getting at is, let your kids see your weakness and be transparent with them about the reality of life.

  32. Therapists are good. In the pursuit of figuring your shit out and everything in between, therapists are not bad people. You may have to try a few before you find a good match. It’s worth it. Your friends can’t solve all your problems and you can’t solve theirs.

  33. Buy yourself a good pair of shoes. Because shoes make the outfit and every shoe has a story.

  34. Self care is the best care. Only when done right. A massage, mani/pedi and all the those things are often pure bliss. However the internal self care is the self-care that cannot be trumped by the external care. Work from within and outward.

  35. Drink lots of water. Especially as you get older and after a night out. Your body doesn’t bounce back the same after 30 so hydrate like Niagara Falls.

  36. Send thank you cards. That never goes out of style and people should be thanked. That simple.

  37. Get outside more often. Exploring creates stimulation to motivate you into proceeding forward with goals and dreams. At least it has for me. :)

  38. Don’t put all your business on social media. I have learned from watching other people, what not to do. I still for the life of me cannot understand why this happens. We do not need to know when you went to the bathroom, what color the wall paper was, the piece of chicken you ate or if you hate your long lost sister. Share the good times, the drinks, the friends and some reality every now and again. Get back to work.

  39. Listen. I have learned that listening is so important. Be a good listener and be open to truly hearing what people are saying. Listening requires paying attention.

  40. Live. Your. Best. Life! I have learned that it is important for me to live my best life every single day. Tomorrow is surely not guaranteed and each day my feet hit the floor, I am thankful for another day. So I live, laugh, love, embrace the messy and strive to continue evolving. There’s more life left in this 5’6 body of mine.

XO ~ L

Truth & Transparency

Trust can be broken as easy as it can be acquired. Trust can be fatal in many peoples lives causing you to feel like you've hit rock bottom. We do not often think what the impact of that little white lie, or the moment we were too embarrassed to show our true selves could have one a person.

I have had several people in my life throughout the years loose my trust. As quickly as it was acquired it was broken. I've walked that very wide and bumpy road of broken trust. A place that leaves your heart hurting and your head bursting. I sit in a place of wondering at what point does integrity and honesty override dishonesty. What does it take for people to show up as themselves. All questions and observations I am opening my eyes to everyday as a leader in my professional career, friendships and business.

Helping navigate some of the people surrounded by me daily and watching them burden and upset with the lack of transparency in their lives it becomes clear. We all have work to do as humans. What if we existed in a world where we could just say exactly how we felt? Hurt feelings or not. Being honest is the first step to making that happen.

My heart is a little heavy for those I see suffering at the thought of not knowing and their minds running wild with made up ideas of what they “think” is happening.

Let’s all step up with more transparency and less dishonesty.

Xo ~


Listening To The Universe & My Inner Voice

The last few months and weeks have been packed with family, friends, work and a lot of projects. Throughout all of it, managing to listen to my inner voice and carve out time for what is important to me has been incredibly fulfilling. 

Learning to say no when I need to, and saying yes when I want to. Perhaps as I inch closer to 40 I declare my right to stand extremely solid in my boundaries and what works for me. Running a million miles an hour some days I find myself on my drive home from the office in a zone. That zone has allowed me to slow down and be present with my own thoughts. I am forgiving of myself while in that zone, and I get clear on making sure I do everything in my power to accomplish the goals I set out to do.

I am leaning into my inner core more and more. Trusting the universe who seems to guide me on a very powerful, intense, sometimes rocky but always magical journey, that all things I have and want to do, will be. There is power in believing in yourself. There is faith in showing up for yourself, and there is bliss in living your wholehearted self. 

Xo - L


Staying Present

In a world peppered with so much hate these days I myself am finding it ever so hard to stay present. Committing each day to see a gift is the very thing that get's me through. Raising my hand to ask the difficult questions even when fear sneaks in reminds me not to hide behind the comfortable but to stay present in my truth and challenge the unknown. 

I've woken up for the last two weeks challenged to shift in a different way. A way of additional consistency. Making myself even more accountable for the goals I have set. Waking up with a purpose is one thing. Wanting to follow that purpose on a Monday morning can sometimes make you want to pull the covers back over your head. So I head out into my work world with my purpose reminding me all the great things that lie ahead by staying present. One can only be knocked down by challenge that they do not learn from.

See challenge and growth as personal sunlight. Even on a cloudy Monday morning. In time all things shine when you are present within yourself. 

An Empty Nest. The Grieving Period.

You think your prepared to see your child off to take on the next step in life but your never really ready. The many voices that say "cut the cord or "let her spread her wings" can take a back seat because the reality is there is a grieving process for all involved. No matter how amazing this new chapter of her life will be or any major milestones in life, we have to take a moment and allow ourselves to be present in our current feelings.

Read More

Authentically Intentional. A Slice of 2017 In Review...

2017 was full of lovely adventure, amazing memories and some scary moments that made me even stronger.  It brought me peace and closure from previous years.  Although many sad and awful things going on in the world today, my world was rocked in the most beautiful way in 2017.  A heart full of gratitude. Cheers to 2018! It's going to be a game changer! 

Read More


So... Many of my close friends and family are aware that my mini is headed off to WSU in Jan 2018 instead of July 2018. A BIG change. An exciting change. A lot has happened over the last several months so it only makes sense for me to take to my blog and bring all up to speed.  This has also forced me to take some time off from writing my book and teaching workshops. The requests to teach again have come in waves and I am so humbled to receive those requests. So many shameless asks of curiosity about the book and Podcast appear almost weekly.  All of those things will hit in a major way very soon. But, not until little miss is off to college.  When my daughter decided to go off to college 6 months earlier than planned all of the above had to take a back seat. Quality time and creating memories with her has overruled working longer than the 60 hour work week I already do in my corporate career and extending myself beyond to the stage of resentment.  No one likes a bitter bitch. It reminded me of important boundaries and that our unique untraditional, unapologetically blended family is far more important than meeting deadlines, running a business, and racing to meet unrealistic expectations.  

KB verbally committed to play soccer for WSU in Dec 2015. Declining several schools and making the decision to attend college at Washington State University, play D1, PAC 12 soccer was not an overnight decision. I remember feeling emotional, and asked her how is this happening and does she feel like she’s ready to do this. KB turned to me and said “Mom I have been preparing for this since I was 10. I knew I had to start thinking about coaches and colleges contacting me. Just let me make my decision she said.” I stepped back willingly because I knew she had worked so hard to get to this place. So the decision was hers. She stayed in her room longer than usual after soccer practices for several weeks. She was quiet. Deep thinking type of quiet. Then out of the blue she texted me during the day a few days later. “Mom, I’ve made my decision."

Allowing her to choose on her own has made the experience as a parent so exciting even through the tears of facing an empty nest. Letting your child think for themself, advocate for themselves, do hard things and make hard decisions will never be a mistake. It will provide calming when your worried at night wondering how they will handle life. It will reassure you that you’ve taught them resilience and to live in reality. It will remind you that no matter where you go, your voice will be a silent whisper of love and reassurance that they can do anything they set out to do. 

Soccer was never forced on KB. It’s in her genes. She has been playing since age four and playing at the club level since she was 6 years old.  It is probably safe to say it’s her first love. So being the toddler tantrum parent forcing their child to play and screaming like an abusive maniac has never been my role on the sidelines.  I've seen my fair share of parents demonstrate this over the last 13 years.  I have cringed and often thrown a few side eyes at the pathetic behavior one can force a child to endure. Another reason why this process has been rewarding to be a part of. It was solely her decision and a beautiful journey to watch your child grow through. 

I’ve overheard KB on two separate occasions describing to friends and family about coming to her decision on choosing her school and team. I was completely blown away by her maturity and thought process. Community, connection, seeing endless potential in the soccer program and coaches were just a few things that were important to her. Don’t find teenagers thinking like that everyday. In that moment a little voice reassured me she’s going to be just fine. We underestimate our kids sometimes. Some days I feel like the clock is ticking and asking myself if I have done everything I need to instill xyz in her? Will she be prepared for this or that? How will she react to situations, what if she needs me and I am not there? My heart sinks and screams, it’s too soon!!! I have been preparing for this. I really have. 

It wasn't until last Friday we received her official acceptance letter. I picked up the mail and ran back outside just before she drove off to work. She knew instantly when I held the envelope up. STOP!!! It was like something out of a movie. KB and I both smiled and screamed YAY!! Because, what many don't know is regardless of getting recruited to play for a school, you still have to meet requirements and apply. Shit just got real. Really real.

Then KB reminds me. “Mom it doesn’t matter if I leave in July or Jan, it’s going to be hard on you regardless.” She’s right. She tends to remind me of this often. She has indulged willingly in my mom and daughter adventures this past year. Our 2017 calendar of creating everlasting memories for KB's last year of high school has been one heck of a year so far. I've got some pretty damn good hugs at the end of our adventures. So, I hold those close when I close my eyes and wonder where life will take her next.  Knowing I won't always be there but she and I will always have each other, I can let go tearfully knowing that I have raised a young woman who will do great things in the world. I will miss her busting out randomly is her smooth dance moves. I will miss her asking "Mom can you make me food?" I will miss cooking for a house full of teenagers. I will miss her looking at me in wonder and sheer annoyance at my ridiculous mom questions. I will miss her so much. 

Back up to this last summer. KB wrapped up her last year of club soccer with her ECNL team. The girls placed second in the nation and KB took some time off from soccer to rest her back due to pain from overuse. This girl has to played her little heart out for the last 13 years. A break was long overdue.  During this break the option for KB to start at WSU early was proposed.  She has all of her credits to graduate high school and has been doing running start getting a jump start on college so this option was music to her ears. She's ready!  I am ready to watch my little old soul soar. Watch her pursue Sports Psychology and watch her play college soccer. I am not ready. I am ready. I am scared and I am happy.  I am so fkin proud!! All of the emotions I am.  What does all of this mean? January I will move my baby girl into a dorm. A lot of people have asked, what about high school graduation?  KB will come back home in May for her high school prom and walk with her high school class in June. In usual Howard-Barton fashion our lives and home will be an adventure with love and faith at the center of it all.  So how does one plan a grad party and off to college party backwards??? Thanks KB.  From the time you were born you have managed to make sure life was always an adventure. :-)

Thank you sweet girl for being challenging, pushing back, being passionate, focused and allowing yourself to feel during the uncomfortable times. Thank you for teaching me it's ok to let go and to have faith in our faith. 




14 Mile Mystery

My fingers were white, purple and numb at 4,800 feet.  I could barley take this photo yet I needed to capture the mystery this hike held all morning.  Like all things, there is a lesson in everything.  There are times when fear sets in among something you do so naturally when your body chooses to respond differently.  I had a moment when it did.  My hands hurt with very little blood flow to them, and silent tears fell in worry that I may injure myself more if I don't get down this mountain carefully. 

I thought as much as I hike I can't stop because of this.  In my second summer of chasing higher elevation gain, I CANNOT stop now!  We all find ourselves questioning the rocks and foggy paths in life but the beauty is pressing through it and knowing it only last for a moment.  The magic of the universe and the places I allow myself to go once again surprise me.  Feeling in my fingers did not come back until the last half mile down.  14 miles of mystery on a foggy mountain.

Xo ~ L

Xo ~ L

C20 to A3

I woke up dreading travel today. I slept like a baby the night before and last night I slept like I was traumatized. I wasn't feeling it at all. My patience was tested in every way. As my flight was boarding, I received a notification the gate had changed. WTF! Changed clear across the damn airport. Looking real good Tuesday. Real good. Not! I kept thinking just roll with it LaEisha. 36hrs and you'll be back home. As I see frantic travelers running past me realizing the gate changed I kept walking. My running is done outdoors, up or down a mountain. Not sprints around the airport in heels. 

I get on the plane. The pilot isn't even here. He received the same notification. He gets on the speaker, out of breath, and apologizing for the shit show going down from C20 to gate A3. We have a new flight crew he says. Welcome them. There is nothing welcoming in my annoyed soul this morning. My major pet peeve of unorganized situations felt like I might break out into hives. Don't worry I didn't. I sit in my happy place. A window seat. It's going to be a long flight. Lady on the aisle has not stopped talking and I am thanking the stars above I am not the one occupying the middle seat. Someone continues to adjust in their seat behind me, which makes me look like I am having convulsions because my seat moves back and fourth like I want escape this cluster fk of a morning. Is this real life right now?!

The flight attendant goes through the drill routine. She had it down. I almost felt like I should break out into a choreographed dance routine. I looked up at her. She smiled and I gave the biggest grin. What in the world?! I'm smiling like I might want to ask for her number and to have a drink. I don't think that would go over well at home. ;-)

I realized I wanted her to feel comfortable and like someone cared. I cared. I see this routine almost weekly. Probably still wouldn't know how to work the oxygen mask if I had to. We've all had our first day. We have been nervous and feeling panicked at the thought of messing up. To be on a plane with unorganized adults, the smell of dirty diapers and unwashed hair, she kept a smile and appeared calm. Nice job Omaha Nebraska! 

We smiled again and I hope that her first flight felt great even if she received only one smile today. In my own way, I was grateful for the smile back, for the silent wink of acknowledgement that this is one crazy morning and everything will be ok. 

I took away from this to continue realizing the world is and always will be bigger than me. Someone will need a smile even when your day sucks. Someone will be going through something worse than you are. All is not lost nor bad because of one unorganized moment. The moment always passes. 

You get back what you put out. Start with a smile. 

Xo - L


Full Disclosure

You may appear one way. A way that seems accepted to the norm and to others you are a part of the team. The human race team. Just an individual. No label. Just who you are. You love who you love and you accept everyone as they are.

We often get caught up in what we think people should be based on what they "look like." What someone presents to the world by their looks does not define who they are inside. 

It happens to me on the daily- a look, a judgement and an assumption that you think you know my life, likes and dislikes.  When we start asking questions and expressing genuine interest in people without passing judgement, only then will we really stop to look at our own internal version of ourselves. 

Xo~ LH 



The Restructure of Trust - A Moment of Reflection

I may write about this several more times, however, I'm lead to write about the last workshop. #FillYourTank The Restructure of Trust. Out of all the workshops to date, this has been my favorite. The space, the women who attended, and the energy was epic. I find myself learning more and more after each workshop I lead. This workshop was different. Every woman in attendance walked in the room open and willing. We are not all able to do that.

Not only were they open, vulnerable we all were. It was made clear that the space and time we were in was for authentic connection and acceptance on every level.  I have been fighting the bug that's been going around all week. By Thursday last week I was crashing. Saturday came and I rallied. Not for myself, but for the women attending. I rallied because my passion was stronger than the bug. The week leading up to it had been filled with people or things that were inconsiderate, energy zapping, lost my trust, and posed an unnecessary challenge. In the midst of this all, I realized once again what I will/will not tolerate. It seems to get stronger and stronger daily. I have zero tolerance for energy drainers. Those energy draining things gave me fire. That fuel that's deeply embedded allowed me to speak even deeper on a subject I had already designed to teach months ago.

I woke up Saturday morning and put a spin on it and damn did it hit like fire in the room when I presented. Nailed it! It was not intentional but it was necessary. Necessary to speak my truth and from my soul. Thank you ladies for trusting in me. My heart is full and gratitude runs through my veins like water off the mountain side.

Teaching I was and I was learning while teaching. I was learning and absorbing; being fully present in the moment. I was teaching about building trust in small moments and I was allowing myself to regain trust in a small moment. I am human and although, the people/things that have broken my trust, whether earned back or not, I allow room for improvement and forgiveness.

Until then...

Xo ~ LH