2017 was a year filled with a lot of love, bold risk and welcomed change. When I look back on this last year I continue to come back to my intention. I set out to finish my book in 2017. More than halfway complete I had to push pause on that and a few other projects in the works. There was no way I was going to half ass this just to meet a deadline. A self imposed deadline at that. Hitting pause might have been the best thing I could have done. When my daughter came to me with the option/decision to take time off from soccer, rehabilitate and start college 6 months earlier than planned, I hit the pause button so hard. My world would forever be changed.
I have intentionally absorbed just about every moment I can with her. We have made some of the best memories over the last six months. Thankfully she to wanted to absorb as much time with me as well. After all teenagers aren't very fond of anything else besides their friends. ;-)
My daughter and I are deeply bonded and solid in our faith, and love as Mother and Daughter. We love hard and we fight even harder for those we love. I learned in 2017 that everything I have done up until today in raising my daughter to be a strong woman was done. The foundation has been laid and I have to let her spread her wings, and fly. She will always be my little girl and she will always need me to be there in times of comfort, and celebration. She's worried about me. She is nervous to leave and she is eager to start this next chapter. She is all of us at some point in our lives.
Throughout 2017 I made deeper connections with people that I might not have taken the time to in years past. We were open to see each other for who we are, and not what we might have heard or thought about the other person. I also made self care moves in limiting folks in my life because of their intention or lack of intention. I unapologetically stopped inviting people to events who were notorious for not showing up. I realize I could be disappointed all the time by this, or not. I ultimately have control over who I choose to be in my space and ride along on this journey. Friends or family. Perhaps I chalk that up to getting older and wiser. In my 39 years of life this is one stage where I am no longer holding back how I feel, what I want and don't want. Life is too short to have people in it who add stress or chaos. So I have many self check-ins revisiting and resetting boundaries.
I've just let life happen. I continue to LIVE and not apologize for being me. I have had one heck of a year with health issues. Seeing so many doctors and specialist has been beyond exhausting. Knowing that I have some level of an auto immune issue going on, in October I saw a doctor (A doc I have dubbed as my own McDreamy) who started piecing things together for me. A diagnosis, but there is still much to figure out. Something I have known has been off with my body for years, there a few things starting to make sense. Well it never really makes sense. Especially those hard days when your body does not want to cooperate with you. Life has a way of reminding you to live in the fking moment when your at odds with your own body.
So as I prepare for 2018, I am boldly and intentionally choosing the life I want to live. I am happy and sad to see my daughter off. However I am extremely excited about the time I will have to finish my book, write here more about various life happenings, launch new projects and resume old one's in a greater way. I do not have all the answers and my life will change significantly over the next year, but what I do know is as long as I am living I am committed to setting authentic intenton that comes from the deepest place it can. My soul.
Cheers to 2018!
Xo ~ L