Listening To The Universe & My Inner Voice

The last few months and weeks have been packed with family, friends, work and a lot of projects. Throughout all of it, managing to listen to my inner voice and carve out time for what is important to me has been incredibly fulfilling. 

Learning to say no when I need to, and saying yes when I want to. Perhaps as I inch closer to 40 I declare my right to stand extremely solid in my boundaries and what works for me. Running a million miles an hour some days I find myself on my drive home from the office in a zone. That zone has allowed me to slow down and be present with my own thoughts. I am forgiving of myself while in that zone, and I get clear on making sure I do everything in my power to accomplish the goals I set out to do.

I am leaning into my inner core more and more. Trusting the universe who seems to guide me on a very powerful, intense, sometimes rocky but always magical journey, that all things I have and want to do, will be. There is power in believing in yourself. There is faith in showing up for yourself, and there is bliss in living your wholehearted self. 

Xo - L

 

Staying Present

In a world peppered with so much hate these days I myself am finding it ever so hard to stay present. Committing each day to see a gift is the very thing that get's me through. Raising my hand to ask the difficult questions even when fear sneaks in reminds me not to hide behind the comfortable but to stay present in my truth and challenge the unknown. 

I've woken up for the last two weeks challenged to shift in a different way. A way of additional consistency. Making myself even more accountable for the goals I have set. Waking up with a purpose is one thing. Wanting to follow that purpose on a Monday morning can sometimes make you want to pull the covers back over your head. So I head out into my work world with my purpose reminding me all the great things that lie ahead by staying present. One can only be knocked down by challenge that they do not learn from.

See challenge and growth as personal sunlight. Even on a cloudy Monday morning. In time all things shine when you are present within yourself. 

An Empty Nest. The Grieving Period.

You think your prepared to see your child off to take on the next step in life but your never really ready. The many voices that say "cut the cord or "let her spread her wings" can take a back seat because the reality is there is a grieving process for all involved. No matter how amazing this new chapter of her life will be or any major milestones in life, we have to take a moment and allow ourselves to be present in our current feelings.

Read More

Authentically Intentional. A Slice of 2017 In Review...

2017 was full of lovely adventure, amazing memories and some scary moments that made me even stronger.  It brought me peace and closure from previous years.  Although many sad and awful things going on in the world today, my world was rocked in the most beautiful way in 2017.  A heart full of gratitude. Cheers to 2018! It's going to be a game changer! 

Read More

#FUTURECOUG

So... Many of my close friends and family are aware that my mini is headed off to WSU in Jan 2018 instead of July 2018. A BIG change. An exciting change. A lot has happened over the last several months so it only makes sense for me to take to my blog and bring all up to speed.  This has also forced me to take some time off from writing my book and teaching workshops. The requests to teach again have come in waves and I am so humbled to receive those requests. So many shameless asks of curiosity about the book and Podcast appear almost weekly.  All of those things will hit in a major way very soon. But, not until little miss is off to college.  When my daughter decided to go off to college 6 months earlier than planned all of the above had to take a back seat. Quality time and creating memories with her has overruled working longer than the 60 hour work week I already do in my corporate career and extending myself beyond to the stage of resentment.  No one likes a bitter bitch. It reminded me of important boundaries and that our unique untraditional, unapologetically blended family is far more important than meeting deadlines, running a business, and racing to meet unrealistic expectations.  

KB verbally committed to play soccer for WSU in Dec 2015. Declining several schools and making the decision to attend college at Washington State University, play D1, PAC 12 soccer was not an overnight decision. I remember feeling emotional, and asked her how is this happening and does she feel like she’s ready to do this. KB turned to me and said “Mom I have been preparing for this since I was 10. I knew I had to start thinking about coaches and colleges contacting me. Just let me make my decision she said.” I stepped back willingly because I knew she had worked so hard to get to this place. So the decision was hers. She stayed in her room longer than usual after soccer practices for several weeks. She was quiet. Deep thinking type of quiet. Then out of the blue she texted me during the day a few days later. “Mom, I’ve made my decision."

Allowing her to choose on her own has made the experience as a parent so exciting even through the tears of facing an empty nest. Letting your child think for themself, advocate for themselves, do hard things and make hard decisions will never be a mistake. It will provide calming when your worried at night wondering how they will handle life. It will reassure you that you’ve taught them resilience and to live in reality. It will remind you that no matter where you go, your voice will be a silent whisper of love and reassurance that they can do anything they set out to do. 

Soccer was never forced on KB. It’s in her genes. She has been playing since age four and playing at the club level since she was 6 years old.  It is probably safe to say it’s her first love. So being the toddler tantrum parent forcing their child to play and screaming like an abusive maniac has never been my role on the sidelines.  I've seen my fair share of parents demonstrate this over the last 13 years.  I have cringed and often thrown a few side eyes at the pathetic behavior one can force a child to endure. Another reason why this process has been rewarding to be a part of. It was solely her decision and a beautiful journey to watch your child grow through. 

I’ve overheard KB on two separate occasions describing to friends and family about coming to her decision on choosing her school and team. I was completely blown away by her maturity and thought process. Community, connection, seeing endless potential in the soccer program and coaches were just a few things that were important to her. Don’t find teenagers thinking like that everyday. In that moment a little voice reassured me she’s going to be just fine. We underestimate our kids sometimes. Some days I feel like the clock is ticking and asking myself if I have done everything I need to instill xyz in her? Will she be prepared for this or that? How will she react to situations, what if she needs me and I am not there? My heart sinks and screams, it’s too soon!!! I have been preparing for this. I really have. 

It wasn't until last Friday we received her official acceptance letter. I picked up the mail and ran back outside just before she drove off to work. She knew instantly when I held the envelope up. STOP!!! It was like something out of a movie. KB and I both smiled and screamed YAY!! Because, what many don't know is regardless of getting recruited to play for a school, you still have to meet requirements and apply. Shit just got real. Really real.

Then KB reminds me. “Mom it doesn’t matter if I leave in July or Jan, it’s going to be hard on you regardless.” She’s right. She tends to remind me of this often. She has indulged willingly in my mom and daughter adventures this past year. Our 2017 calendar of creating everlasting memories for KB's last year of high school has been one heck of a year so far. I've got some pretty damn good hugs at the end of our adventures. So, I hold those close when I close my eyes and wonder where life will take her next.  Knowing I won't always be there but she and I will always have each other, I can let go tearfully knowing that I have raised a young woman who will do great things in the world. I will miss her busting out randomly is her smooth dance moves. I will miss her asking "Mom can you make me food?" I will miss cooking for a house full of teenagers. I will miss her looking at me in wonder and sheer annoyance at my ridiculous mom questions. I will miss her so much. 

Back up to this last summer. KB wrapped up her last year of club soccer with her ECNL team. The girls placed second in the nation and KB took some time off from soccer to rest her back due to pain from overuse. This girl has to played her little heart out for the last 13 years. A break was long overdue.  During this break the option for KB to start at WSU early was proposed.  She has all of her credits to graduate high school and has been doing running start getting a jump start on college so this option was music to her ears. She's ready!  I am ready to watch my little old soul soar. Watch her pursue Sports Psychology and watch her play college soccer. I am not ready. I am ready. I am scared and I am happy.  I am so fkin proud!! All of the emotions I am.  What does all of this mean? January I will move my baby girl into a dorm. A lot of people have asked, what about high school graduation?  KB will come back home in May for her high school prom and walk with her high school class in June. In usual Howard-Barton fashion our lives and home will be an adventure with love and faith at the center of it all.  So how does one plan a grad party and off to college party backwards??? Thanks KB.  From the time you were born you have managed to make sure life was always an adventure. :-)

Thank you sweet girl for being challenging, pushing back, being passionate, focused and allowing yourself to feel during the uncomfortable times. Thank you for teaching me it's ok to let go and to have faith in our faith. 

GO COUGS!!!

Xo

IMG_4785.jpg

14 Mile Mystery

My fingers were white, purple and numb at 4,800 feet.  I could barley take this photo yet I needed to capture the mystery this hike held all morning.  Like all things, there is a lesson in everything.  There are times when fear sets in among something you do so naturally when your body chooses to respond differently.  I had a moment when it did.  My hands hurt with very little blood flow to them, and silent tears fell in worry that I may injure myself more if I don't get down this mountain carefully. 

I thought as much as I hike I can't stop because of this.  In my second summer of chasing higher elevation gain, I CANNOT stop now!  We all find ourselves questioning the rocks and foggy paths in life but the beauty is pressing through it and knowing it only last for a moment.  The magic of the universe and the places I allow myself to go once again surprise me.  Feeling in my fingers did not come back until the last half mile down.  14 miles of mystery on a foggy mountain.

 Xo ~ L

Xo ~ L

C20 to A3

I woke up dreading travel today. I slept like a baby the night before and last night I slept like I was traumatized. I wasn't feeling it at all. My patience was tested in every way. As my flight was boarding, I received a notification the gate had changed. WTF! Changed clear across the damn airport. Looking real good Tuesday. Real good. Not! I kept thinking just roll with it LaEisha. 36hrs and you'll be back home. As I see frantic travelers running past me realizing the gate changed I kept walking. My running is done outdoors, up or down a mountain. Not sprints around the airport in heels. 

I get on the plane. The pilot isn't even here. He received the same notification. He gets on the speaker, out of breath, and apologizing for the shit show going down from C20 to gate A3. We have a new flight crew he says. Welcome them. There is nothing welcoming in my annoyed soul this morning. My major pet peeve of unorganized situations felt like I might break out into hives. Don't worry I didn't. I sit in my happy place. A window seat. It's going to be a long flight. Lady on the aisle has not stopped talking and I am thanking the stars above I am not the one occupying the middle seat. Someone continues to adjust in their seat behind me, which makes me look like I am having convulsions because my seat moves back and fourth like I want escape this cluster fk of a morning. Is this real life right now?!

The flight attendant goes through the drill routine. She had it down. I almost felt like I should break out into a choreographed dance routine. I looked up at her. She smiled and I gave the biggest grin. What in the world?! I'm smiling like I might want to ask for her number and to have a drink. I don't think that would go over well at home. ;-)

I realized I wanted her to feel comfortable and like someone cared. I cared. I see this routine almost weekly. Probably still wouldn't know how to work the oxygen mask if I had to. We've all had our first day. We have been nervous and feeling panicked at the thought of messing up. To be on a plane with unorganized adults, the smell of dirty diapers and unwashed hair, she kept a smile and appeared calm. Nice job Omaha Nebraska! 

We smiled again and I hope that her first flight felt great even if she received only one smile today. In my own way, I was grateful for the smile back, for the silent wink of acknowledgement that this is one crazy morning and everything will be ok. 

I took away from this to continue realizing the world is and always will be bigger than me. Someone will need a smile even when your day sucks. Someone will be going through something worse than you are. All is not lost nor bad because of one unorganized moment. The moment always passes. 

You get back what you put out. Start with a smile. 

Xo - L

 

Full Disclosure

You may appear one way. A way that seems accepted to the norm and to others you are a part of the team. The human race team. Just an individual. No label. Just who you are. You love who you love and you accept everyone as they are.

We often get caught up in what we think people should be based on what they "look like." What someone presents to the world by their looks does not define who they are inside. 

It happens to me on the daily- a look, a judgement and an assumption that you think you know my life, likes and dislikes.  When we start asking questions and expressing genuine interest in people without passing judgement, only then will we really stop to look at our own internal version of ourselves. 

Xo~ LH 

 

 

The Restructure of Trust - A Moment of Reflection

I may write about this several more times, however, I'm lead to write about the last workshop. #FillYourTank The Restructure of Trust. Out of all the workshops to date, this has been my favorite. The space, the women who attended, and the energy was epic. I find myself learning more and more after each workshop I lead. This workshop was different. Every woman in attendance walked in the room open and willing. We are not all able to do that.

Not only were they open, vulnerable we all were. It was made clear that the space and time we were in was for authentic connection and acceptance on every level.  I have been fighting the bug that's been going around all week. By Thursday last week I was crashing. Saturday came and I rallied. Not for myself, but for the women attending. I rallied because my passion was stronger than the bug. The week leading up to it had been filled with people or things that were inconsiderate, energy zapping, lost my trust, and posed an unnecessary challenge. In the midst of this all, I realized once again what I will/will not tolerate. It seems to get stronger and stronger daily. I have zero tolerance for energy drainers. Those energy draining things gave me fire. That fuel that's deeply embedded allowed me to speak even deeper on a subject I had already designed to teach months ago.

I woke up Saturday morning and put a spin on it and damn did it hit like fire in the room when I presented. Nailed it! It was not intentional but it was necessary. Necessary to speak my truth and from my soul. Thank you ladies for trusting in me. My heart is full and gratitude runs through my veins like water off the mountain side.

Teaching I was and I was learning while teaching. I was learning and absorbing; being fully present in the moment. I was teaching about building trust in small moments and I was allowing myself to regain trust in a small moment. I am human and although, the people/things that have broken my trust, whether earned back or not, I allow room for improvement and forgiveness.

Until then...

Xo ~ LH

Goodbye 2016! Hello 2017 and Everything You Offer!

2016 was magical and it was tragic in many ways. I lived, loved and lead in more ways than I have in a very long time.

I launched into new territory, my deep rooted strength came out on fire.  I pushed myself harder than I ever have in business.  I saw through a lot of BS, and maintained integrity throughout it all. My faith, my tribe and my love grew deeper and stronger. Over the last few weeks many people have said "Screw 2016" it's been awful. The reality is shit happens every year. Awful and wonderful. I tackled the shit of lemons in 2016 and made lemonade. 

2017 will be amazing because I choose to make it amazing.  I choose to continue pursuing greatness with authenticity resilience and integrity. I wish the best to everyone in 2017. May it be a year of growth, adventure and magical moments. 

Xo ~ LH

#FillYourTank

Clothing Will Always Be My Paint Brush

Hey beautiful souls!

I have received some major love since launching my new site. THANK YOU!! I have also received messages regarding styling and if I have nixed it entirely. Let's great real. Clothing will always be my paint brush. I created 12/14 so that I could not only style occasionally but allow other freelance artist to do the same while I played more of a behind the scenes role. However I will still style on a very limited level. Special request only. There you have it ladies and gents...

Remember to embrace the passion and changes in others, and not label what you think they should or should not be. Life changes and so do we.  Don't knock the hustle. 

Back in the Driver's Seat

It’s been two years since I wrote my last blog post and limited much of my work running my company, leading workshops, speaking to organizations and groups. Why the break you might ask? It was time. I needed that so I could come back fully present as ever, and lifted with excitement in my life as the entrepreneur, creative mind and soul-sparking innovating spirit that is me. It’s always been there but there were moments it took a back seat to other things. I needed to sit in that backseat so that I could climb back into the driver’s seat with both hands on the wheel seeing the straight away open and clear for me to accelerate my passion from the depth of my soul.

So, what’s next? A lot. So much I sometimes ask myself where do I get the energy and how is this all going to be done. Starting with my book. Yes, my book. The book that I have been writing for years that suddenly has taken a change and is being re-written today as something I did not intend for in the start. The manuscript is being sent to the editor in just a few short weeks. Excited, nervous and humble, I am ready to rock this journey full speed ahead.

Xo ~ L


#FillYourTank